no fairy tale

by: Jenny Block

The bizarre and often twisted story of Augusten Burroughs' upbringing is no typical recipe for literary success. A forty-four-year-old recovering alcoholic with only an elementary school education, he spent more than 15 years as a copywriter before becoming a bestselling author. Burroughs' works, Running with Scissors, Dry, Possible Side Effects, Magical Thinking, and A Wolf at the Table have been published in over 30 countries, and his appearances are always standing room only. Interestingly, critics and readers alike have questioned the veracity of Burroughs' outrageous and highly detailed memoirs right from the start. But, like all of his life experiences, those doubts seem to have strengthened him and further deepened his philosophical worldview.

How did you come to write your first book? There was actually a time when you said you didn't want to be a writer, correct?

I was at that stage in my life where I had already gone through rehab and was drinking more intentionally than ever before. More and more I was experiencing late stage alcoholism symptoms. Cardiac symptoms. I was starting to physically decline. I could see what was going to happen. I was going to have a heart attack in my sleep. I had alcohol poisoning. I'm probably going to have a heart attack this year, I thought. I've had a huge life. It hasn't been a good life. But it was big. But it bothered me that I never even tried to write. I had those ruby slippers, but I never tried them. I sat down and wrote the first sentence and I laughed for the first time. Then I couldn't stop writing.

Why put this stuff out there?

No one's ever asked me that. Why not? I didn't want to do all that work for nothing. I don't have a lot of apprehension about exposing myself. It's only scary to think about doing. People have responded to parts of every story I've written.

I don't care what people think of me. I can't be more humiliated than I have been in my life. I am always honored if they invest the time [in reading my work]. It's a privilege to write and be published. I feel that gratitude. But I don't care what people think. I would never do anything to make myself more comfortable.

There are things I do regret. But I wouldn't change them, you know? Like if I had a magic wand. If you had taken a left instead of a right. If we begin to pull the thread of the sweater. What if we pull the one that would unravel them all? The writing is not about the money for me. I made lots of money in advertising and I wasn't happy. [The things I regret] turn out to be the things that I'm the most grateful for. I wished that helped at the time, but it doesn't.

How do you answer the journalists then, who ask you, "How do you know? How do you know that what you ‘remember' really is what happened?" Is there something you wish you could say to them?

[I'd say] how do you know? Don't make me do your job for you. I have a f***ed up frontal cortex. That's why I can remember. Before I was a writer it was awful. I would be sitting there and a movie would enter my head. Something stupid like running my fingers across the ceiling in a hotel room. As soon as I become horizontal the movies start in my head. But that's better now.

Are there any questions you wish people would stop asking?

There are no questions I never want to hear again. Every person who asks is different. The day I becomes the guy who gets that way is the day you can take me behind the barn and shoot me. I focus on the person and that makes it new.

Can you walk down the street without being recognized?

No. But I don't walk down the street much. People are always very kind. They know they know a lot about me and I don't know much about them. I'm not a balanced person at all. Having survived something doesn't make me a beacon of mental health. I don't go out and do stuff.

Can you tell me a little about your latest book, You Better Not Cry?

It's about Christmas. It comes out tomorrow [October 27, 2009]. It's my favorite holiday and it's always been really cruddy. One after the other. But inside each one was something good.

What are you working on now?

I'm working on the next book. And I'm working on two TV series. It's a full time job. I like the people. I don't watch TV. The whole shallow people in L.A. is a myth. The people are really smart. I didn't meet anyone shallow or irritating. When we weren't working, people couldn't wait to stop talking about TV and talk about their kids. They're very accommodating and gracious. It makes me want to please them.